I Deride Your Truth Handling Abilities!
by farewellblindgirl
Summary: Ryan and Esposito have a plan...


**Disclaimers**: Really? Of course I don't own them. Because if I did, why would I be publishing silly D-Grade plot bunnies on a free website?

**A/N:** I needed a break from the angst. So I took a tiny itty bitty bit of a speculative spoiler and dragged it out back behind the middle school, took its lunch money, and beat it into the following. This could never ever happen on the show...

* * *

"Hey."

Esposito looked up from his work. "Hey."

Ryan winced. Normally there'd be a 'bro' on the end of Javi's greeting. They were back, but they weren't all the way back. Maybe this would help.

"So, I need to talk to you. About Castle," he said, seeing Esposito's face tighten. "And Beckett."

Esposito dropped his pen, leaned back in his chair. "What about Mom and Dad?"

"Well... I can't help but notice that, um, Mom and Dad seem to be ... working on some baby brothers for us."

"What? Shit man, I just thought they were sleeping together."

"Crap, that's not what I meant ... not like baby brothers literally. Figuratively. But you knew."

"Well yeah, they ain't quite as on the down low as they think they are."

"Kinda like when it was you and Lanie, hey?"

Esposito glared at Ryan. Ryan swallowed hard, looked away.

"Anyway, man, don't you think it's time they tell us. Get it all out in the open?"

"No. Besides, there's still Gates to think about."

"Well, not that open, open. But, you know. We're a team, we should know. I mean, how do you think they'd like if it you or me..."

"We ain't ever sleeping together. You can put that thought to rest right now."

"I mean keeping secrets man. They've been at it for a few weeks at least."

"At least. I think they've been at it since all the way back during that case with that zombie capullo."

"Really? Then we really gotta get them to admit it."

"Beckett ain't never gonna say anything."

"That's why we go after Castle."

Esposito nodded slowly, a particular knowing smile coming over his face.

"What you got in mind, bro'?"

"See, you know, and I know, but they don't know we know. So we put him on the stand."

"You gotta stop watching that movie."

"It's a good movie. Besides, Jenny's gotta a Jack Nicholson thing."

"Your chica sometimes..." Esposito said, shaking his head. "Fine, but you're Demi Moore, and I'm Tom Cruise, okay?"

"I always pictured you as more the Kevin Bacon type."

"You're the Kevin Bacon type," Esposito said sharply.

"What does that even mean?"

"Let's just go over the plan."

* * *

Ryan checked his watch. 4:47am. Time to start. He banged hard on Castle's front door.

Twenty seconds of banging later, they heard Castle fumbling around in his apartment.

"Coming!"

A second later, the door swung open, and a dishelved Castle, clad only in boxers, stood before them.

"Ryan. Espo. What's going on?"

"Come on, Castle," Ryan said, as the two men walked into the room. Each grabbed one of Castle's arms and dragged him back into the living room, depositing him on the couch. "We don't got a lot of time."

"Time for what?" Castle asked. Both men ignored the feminine smell that surrounded him, as well as the bite mark right below his collarbone.

"Karpowski pulled a case a few hours ago. Your fingerprints were at the scene. We gotta act quick, get your story straight, before she has to interview you. So where were you between one and three am last night?

"I was asleep, of course. I didn't kill any..."

"Yeah, we know, Castle. But the 'he's too big of a doofus to kill anyone' defense doesn't work, so we gotta have an alibi. If you were asleep, when did you get home, when did you leave?"

"Umm..."

"Cause we were looking around ... we could pull the security tapes for this building, show that you got in before 1 and didn't leave 'til after 3. It's not iron clad or nothing, but it's a start."

"Well, you see, I wasn't ... here ... so much as, um, somewhere else."

"Thought you said you were asleep?"

"I was. Just ... not here."

"Where then, bro?"

"Um..."

"Seriously, we don't have a lot of time. I bet we got an hour, two, tops before Karpowski's dragging you in."

"Who was killed? Maybe if I can explain..."

"Work the alibi first. So where were you?"

"I was, um, at Beckett's place."

"At 2 in the morning?"

Castle nodded.

"What were you doing there?"

Castle looked up, startled. "Oh, um, we were working on the Wolfram case kinda late, and ..."

"Thought you said you were asleep?"

"Well..."

"That's not gonna work anyway," Ryan said. "Crime scene's not that far from Beckett's place. Karpowski's gonna make the point that you could have easily waited 'til after Beckett went to sleep, then gotten up off the couch, gone to the crime scene, and been back asleep on the couch when Beckett got up the next morning."

"Yeah, but..." Esposito interjected, "didn't Karpowski say that the girl reported a mysterious person in her building a few nights ago? It's thin, but if Castle could establish a consistent alibi for all the nights in question..."

"...that might work," Ryan continued. "but I doubt Castle has an alibi for every night this week."

The two detectives turned to look at Castle.

"Umm..."

"You do have an alibi for every night?"

"Yeah. I was with Beckett."

"Sleeping on her couch for a week? That's gotta be rough. You do own your own place, you know."

"That's not exactly... Beckett can vouch for me."

"Not good enough. That'd only work if you were sleeping with her."

"But you're not sleeping with Beckett, are you?"

"He couldn't be, bro. He was never going to seal that deal."

"Yeah, I mean, he's got a reputation, but Beckett's always been out of his league."

"So we got no alibi, unless you really are sleeping with her?"

"Are you, man?"

"Are you, Castle?"

"Are you?"

"Are you?"

"You're goddamned right I am!"

All three men were silent as Castle's declaration hung in the air. As Castle tried not to blush, the two detectives smiled.

Ryan stuck out his hand, and Esposito fed the birds.

"What was that?" Castle asked.

"What?"

"Feeding the birds? Are you guys messing with me? Is there even a case?"

Ryan and Esposito looked back and forth between them.

"No secrets, Bro. Thought we'd learned that lesson already."

"And how is Lanie, by the way?" Castle replied.

"That's low."

"Guys... as fun as this wasn't, how do I say this? Get out of my loft."

Esposito looked at Castle, then turned and patted Ryan on the back. "Come on Kev, I'll buy you breakfast."

* * *

Castle closed the door behind them, went back into his bedroom where Kate was lying in bed.

"I wonder if they know Karpowski is out this week with a twisted ankle?" she asked.

"It was a pain in the ass not to just tell them, force them to draw it out of me. It's 5am, Kate. Why couldn't I just say, 'yep' and be done with it?"

"Then they wouldn't have had to work for it. Work together."

"I'm still curious... how did you get Jenny to have Ryan watch A Few Good Men last night?"

"Wasn't that hard. She has a thing for Nicholson."

"Took long enough, we've dropped enough clues. But you sure we had to do it that way?"

"Well, I'm sort of tired of hiding, and we had to get them over their macho standoff somehow."

"Easy for you to say. You weren't just grilled while half naked."

"I can make it up to you, let you grill me while I'm half naked."

"What does that even mean?"

"Do you want to quibble over my word choices or get to it?"

He got moving then. He crawled onto the bed, suspending himself over her. "We use words like honor, duty..."

She cut him off with a kiss.

"Shut up, Rick. I'm not the one with the fetish."

* * *

**A/N:** You want answers! I want the truth! You can't handle the truth! ... Okay, no, I can't, but I can handle reviews (end of shameless begging)


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